MY CORE VALUES
I have taught sex ed for more than 13 years and worked as a coach for more than 4 years. Much of that time has involved working with people that U.S. culture dehumanizes, desexualizes, and/or marginalizes, which has given me an unusual and invaluable perspective on human sexuality, identity, expression, trauma, pleasure, and shame.
I am informed by experiences and points of view that the average person does not have, which enables me to work and connect with an array of clients, but it also means that I’m not the right “fit” for everyone. Here are some important core beliefs and values that I live and work by:
JUSTICE MATTERS
I believe that access to accurate sexuality information is a human right. I teach and coach using a variety of justice-centered frameworks, which allows my clients to acknowledge the various ways that power and oppression have infringed on that right while they develop a more expansive and realistic understanding of human sexuality. These frameworks include racial, social, disability, media, reproductive, and gender justice.
INFORMATION IS EMPOWERMENT
Consistent access to accurate sexuality and sexual health information is transformative and improves our lives. Full stop. Research has linked it to reduced rates of sexually transmitted infections and teen pregnancies, intimate partner violence, homophobia, bullying, and more. It also equips us to become adults with healthier relationships to ourselves and others. I empower my clients with values-neutral information and empathy so that they can make informed decisions about their bodies, relationships, identities, and more with confidence and autonomy.
TRANSPARENCY is RESPECT
I maintain an open policy of respect with my clients, which includes providing information, tools, and resources meant to help them learn and/or meet goals, not to change their minds or influence their decisions. I want to help them get closer to their truth, regardless of whether it aligns with mine, and I openly disclose biases and conflicts of interest when they arise.
SEX IS POLITICAL
Sex, bodies, identities, and relationships are political. They became political the minute laws were created to regulate, control, or erase them. For example: only 17 U.S. states currently have laws that require sex ed curricula to be accurate, which means it is legal to provide false, misleading, and disproven (mis)information about identity, attraction, anatomy, sex, love, and other sexuality topics. In April 2023, Florida went so far as to ban discussion of sexual orientation or gender in public school classrooms. Providing accurate and expansive sex ed — especially to young people — has become a radical act.
EXPANSIVENESS > INCLUSIVITY
I prioritize expansiveness and accuracy over inclusivity. To be inclusive means there is a presumed “norm” and that I must choose to “include” anything or anyone that doesn’t fit within that norm. I reject the assumption that there is a baseline norm to begin with. Learn more about expansiveness and my approach to language in this TikTok video.
LEARNING = UNLEARNING
I believe that a core part of the learning process is actually an UNlearning process. So much of what we have been told or believe is true about sex and sexuality is based on antiquated social constructs that do not accurately reflect reality (though they often feel true to some of us). I liken the unlearning process to gardening: we need to find and weed out the false beliefs and misinformation in order to make space for new, accurate, and more “human” information to grow and thrive. The weeding process can be uncomfortable and messy, but it’s simply part of the deal — and, fortunately, it’s only temporary.